The Lies I Had To Overcome Before Walking Down The Aisle
The scariest thing about the lies we tell ourselves from the enemy is that it sounds A LOT like our own voice. Lies that sneak up when we’re alone. Lies that attack your thoughts in moments of vulnerability. Lies that if you’re not careful, can be sneakily mistaken as truths.
In the last two months of our engagement, leading up to the wedding, I had been flooded with fear, anxiety, and lies. The biggest lie kept swirling in my head: Who am I to deserve this?
annnnnd then followed by...
Lies that I should be skinnier before walking down the aisle.
Lies that I’m bringing nothing but debt to the table for our new marriage.
Lies that I’m not going to be enough to keep his love forever.
Lies that my past doesn’t deserve this love story.
Lies that I don’t deserve this incredible, tender-hearted man.
Lies that I’m not pure or clean for my husband.
Lies that I am not worthy of this kind of love.
That’s all they are... LIES.
But for a short season during our engagement, I was a slave to them.
They paralyzed me.
The enemy lines blurred.
These lies in my head had disguised themselves as truths.
No one ever told me how I might feel in this season. I wondered if my friends had battled this? Why hadn’t any previous brides talked about these feelings and how they might arise? It all felt so unreal. The last thing I wanted to do was to be a Debbie Downer or dampen their excitement for the wedding.
I was humiliated and terrified to bring these feelings up. Who wants to share their overflowing baggage of past mistakes, regrets, and shame before walking down the aisle? I kept it to myself.
Hmm, maybe that’s why no one had ever told me?
With all the baggage and lies swirling around in my head/ heart and the wedding quickly approaching, I knew I needed to unpack this mess before it consumed me. I decided go to a Cross Point prayer hour. I was still new to attending these, so I didn’t pray out loud.
Okay, who am I kidding? There is no chance I would have mentioned this to a room full of people.
After quietly praying and listening to others around the room pray out loud… a man whom I had NEVER met before in my entire life stood up and changed my life. He said,
“I feel like someone in this room needs to hear this today. You are clean. You are loved. Jesus took your sins on the cross to die for you. He loved you so much that he made you His bride. You are enough.”
Umm excuse me, sir…. have you been reading my journal?! I was SHOOK. 😭😱I’ve never ugly cried so much in public. Puffy eyes, snot everywhere, and mascara down the cheeks. Not cute.
It was in THAT MOMENT that all of those lies were crushed and truth from the author of my life, who created me, flooded back into my heart.
For someone who also needs to hear this today... this is for you, girl.
YOU are a daughter of the most high King.
YOU are wiped clean because He washed you of your sins on the cross.
YOU are His bride.
If He says I can be worthy of this kind of love, then YOU ARE TOO!
😭🎤⬇️ *steps off soapbox*
Sending hugs!
Love, Am